PlanetSide Dealing With Zergs Guide
PlanetSide Dealing With Zergs Guide by ByteBlock
Zerg Wrangling: A Zerg Herder’s Guide By Byteblock
There are many virtues, morals, and ethics espoused upon casually throughout society. It is my sincere belief that the most important is patience, and that with it alone we can at least be decent to one another.
While “Zerg” players will be compared unfavorably throughout this essay, please try to keep in mind that these players are people too. Think of “Zerg” as a state of mind, and not a state of being. A very intelligent and mature person might be on the other side of the screen; he’s just vegging out right now in “Zerg” mode. Don’t treat the player like an idiot just because he’s behaving that way in a game at the present.
Part 1: Understanding the Zerg
Consider the behavior of the Zerg, and compare it to that of insect larva. The larva and the Zerg would at first seem to have no cognitive processes available to them, and very limited visual senses, working entirely on reaction. This is only partly true, rational thought is indeed possible for the Zerg, but they exist blissfully in a cognitive torpor. Understanding the Zerg is understanding the motivation and nature of the Zerg.
The larva and Zerg do not see as we do. While the Zerg are able to interpret specific visual patterns and queues in the environment (i.e. “This is my friend”, “This is my Enemy”) and while they may be starring at it plainly, they do not comprehend The Big Picture. It is to this lapse that many Zerg shortcomings are owed. You may be pleading “We need Repairs” and the little Zergling engineers run right past, not because they do not hear your cries, but because they do not know what your sounds mean within the context of their own Micro Picture.
The Zergling is merely squirming past you on his own errand to find more patterns that match that of “The Enemy”. While you may look similar enough to a “Friend” and he may be able to render you the aid required, his limited scope is focused solely on locating more of “The Enemy” with which he may interact more fully in the manner he is naturally motivated towards.
It is worth acknowledging the benefits of this natural predilection towards violence, despite its drawbacks. While it is regrettable that Zerg do not normally look after their “Friends” (instead favoring only those of immediate relation) their consuming goal of finding and destroying “The Enemy” is the backbone of your military engine. Never **bleep** the Zerg for their nature; it is this nature that yields victory.
The Zerg have 3 modes within their behavioral pattern, ranked in priority. The paramount goal is “Locate and Destroy Enemy”. If no enemy can be immediately located the secondary assessment a Zerg makes of the environment is, “Am I okay?” If the Zergling is indeed ‘Battle Ready’ it will now fall to its tertiary mode “Locate and follow Friend”. It is this final mode that is most interesting about the Zerg.
Even the most solitary Zergling will eventually become lonely if it does not locate anyone meeting the limited “Friend” criteria for extended durations. The forlorn Zergling will begin a frantic search throughout the world until it locates a “Friend”, at which time it will resume with its prime concern of finding and destroying “The Enemy”.
Part 2: Experimenting with the Zerg
Like the larva, the Zerg often exhibit very little response to visual and auditory queues. Seeing a “Friend” in distress, and hearing his pleas for assistance the Zerg will invariably continue its previous described tasks, without rendering the required aid. However you should not dismiss their visual and auditory faculties immediately, as some simple experimentation can reveal.
This experiment is most telling of Zergling communication. A distressed MAX calling out for repairs is passed by, despite making his pleas in the same decibel volume as the macro, “I am attacking their Generator”. A key difference between the experiment and the distressed MAX is there is an additional visual queue of “This facility’s generator is under attack” is provided for the Zergling during the experiment.
It is regrettable that the ignorant Zerglings are so selfless, as they have now unwittingly followed a fool’s errand to leave their front for “The Enemy” to take with ease. However, this selflessness does hold out some hope for the distressed MAX seeking repairs. Also since no large visual queues were required to bring the Zerglings so far from their natural pattern, it may be possible for the MAX to also communicate with the Zergling running by with a BANK.
Part 3: Communicating with the Zerg
Given what we have learned from our experimentation, we may now begin to theorize on how best to communicate with the Zerg. The following are practical examples for specific situations in which you may find yourself.
Appendix A: Zerglings and Generators
The indomitable zeal of most young Zerglings often extends beyond “Kill the Enemy” to “Kill the Enemy Facilities”. Initial studies on the subject postulate that the young Zerglings attack the color pattern of “The Enemy”, and that inanimate objects such as Vehicle Terminals look just as menacing as enemy combatants.
This theory does not explain why some young Zerglings follow their killing instinct to generators of already secured bases, which do not bare the markings of the “The Enemy”. There are a number of theories that attempt to fill the gap (i.e. They are drawn to the generator like a mosquito to a bug zapper.) but we may never know. The reason is not the focus of this Appendix, but rather the Zergling lust that surrounds the Generator. Part Learning Process, and part Coming of Age Trial; the Generator room symbolizes an important lesson for many of the most enthusiastic Zerglings.
Often one may witness the sacred rite, as one Zergling kills a young Zergling for attacking a secured Generator. He is told that it is wrong for him to attack the generator, and so the cycle of violence and learning continues as the young Zergling vows solemnly to kill any that would attack the sacred generator, and to inform those that perish in the ritualized fratricide that they are “n00bs”.
Further studies may determine greater insight into the nature of the relationship between the Zerg and the Generator. Perhaps the Generator is worshipped as a deity by the Zerglings. Rumors and speculation suggest that they make use of the Generator Room in their mating ritual (known as “cyb0r!!1!11one”) as the Generator represents a large phallic symbol in Zergling culture.
About the Author: Byteblock is a proud member of the Forgotten Soldiers on Emerald. When he is not jacking vehicles he can be found in your Gen room attempting to study the mating habits of the Zerg. He is also the author of the wildly unpopular program PSMon(Planetside Server Monitor), and the slightly more popular PS Videos Dude Where’s My AMS?” and ”A Planetside Tribute to Caddyshack“