PlanetSide Dealing With Zergs Guide

PlanetSide Dealing With Zergs Guide by ByteBlock

Zerg Wrangling: A Zerg Herder’s Guide By Byteblock

There are many virtues, morals, and ethics espoused upon casually throughout society. It is my sincere belief that the most important is patience, and that with it alone we can at least be decent to one another.

While “Zerg” players will be compared unfavorably throughout this essay, please try to keep in mind that these players are people too. Think of “Zerg” as a state of mind, and not a state of being. A very intelligent and mature person might be on the other side of the screen; he’s just vegging out right now in “Zerg” mode. Don’t treat the player like an idiot just because he’s behaving that way in a game at the present.

Part 1: Understanding the Zerg
Consider the behavior of the Zerg, and compare it to that of insect larva. The larva and the Zerg would at first seem to have no cognitive processes available to them, and very limited visual senses, working entirely on reaction. This is only partly true, rational thought is indeed possible for the Zerg, but they exist blissfully in a cognitive torpor. Understanding the Zerg is understanding the motivation and nature of the Zerg.

The larva and Zerg do not see as we do. While the Zerg are able to interpret specific visual patterns and queues in the environment (i.e. “This is my friend”, “This is my Enemy”) and while they may be starring at it plainly, they do not comprehend The Big Picture. It is to this lapse that many Zerg shortcomings are owed. You may be pleading “We need Repairs” and the little Zergling engineers run right past, not because they do not hear your cries, but because they do not know what your sounds mean within the context of their own Micro Picture.

The Zergling is merely squirming past you on his own errand to find more patterns that match that of “The Enemy”. While you may look similar enough to a “Friend” and he may be able to render you the aid required, his limited scope is focused solely on locating more of “The Enemy” with which he may interact more fully in the manner he is naturally motivated towards.

It is worth acknowledging the benefits of this natural predilection towards violence, despite its drawbacks. While it is regrettable that Zerg do not normally look after their “Friends” (instead favoring only those of immediate relation) their consuming goal of finding and destroying “The Enemy” is the backbone of your military engine. Never **bleep** the Zerg for their nature; it is this nature that yields victory.

The Zerg have 3 modes within their behavioral pattern, ranked in priority. The paramount goal is “Locate and Destroy Enemy”. If no enemy can be immediately located the secondary assessment a Zerg makes of the environment is, “Am I okay?” If the Zergling is indeed ‘Battle Ready’ it will now fall to its tertiary mode “Locate and follow Friend”. It is this final mode that is most interesting about the Zerg.

Even the most solitary Zergling will eventually become lonely if it does not locate anyone meeting the limited “Friend” criteria for extended durations. The forlorn Zergling will begin a frantic search throughout the world until it locates a “Friend”, at which time it will resume with its prime concern of finding and destroying “The Enemy”.

Part 2: Experimenting with the Zerg
Like the larva, the Zerg often exhibit very little response to visual and auditory queues. Seeing a “Friend” in distress, and hearing his pleas for assistance the Zerg will invariably continue its previous described tasks, without rendering the required aid. However you should not dismiss their visual and auditory faculties immediately, as some simple experimentation can reveal.

Experiment A: “I am attacking their Generator” Thesis: Zerglings can see and hear you. Method: Spam “I am attacking their Generator” voice macros, while attacking a generator with a knife on a base full of Zerglings and the tubes down that your empire has hacked. Result: If you are killed by someone with a number in their name substituted in place of a letter, chances are you have caught a little Zergling who can in fact understand you and is able to comprehend advanced concepts beyond their own personal scope. You will unfortunately find it hard to ask this Zergling for any aid as you have now deeply offended the Zergling by attacking the sacred Generator. (See Also: Appendix A)

This experiment is most telling of Zergling communication. A distressed MAX calling out for repairs is passed by, despite making his pleas in the same decibel volume as the macro, “I am attacking their Generator”. A key difference between the experiment and the distressed MAX is there is an additional visual queue of “This facility’s generator is under attack” is provided for the Zergling during the experiment.

Experiment B: “Captain Recall!” Thesis: Zerglings are generally selfless. Method: Achieve CR5 and do a Continental message on a continent you’re winning or stalemated on, telling the Zerg to fall back to a home continent. Result: Despite the Zerg having plenty of “The Enemy” with which to engage, they will recall as ordered. Even the solitary Zerglings will eventually come due to the Zerglings’ Third Behavior Pattern (only to stand for upwards of 30 minutes in a Warp Gate waiting to get on the Continent that is now pop-locked by the more eager Zerglings.)

It is regrettable that the ignorant Zerglings are so selfless, as they have now unwittingly followed a fool’s errand to leave their front for “The Enemy” to take with ease. However, this selflessness does hold out some hope for the distressed MAX seeking repairs. Also since no large visual queues were required to bring the Zerglings so far from their natural pattern, it may be possible for the MAX to also communicate with the Zergling running by with a BANK.

Part 3: Communicating with the Zerg
Given what we have learned from our experimentation, we may now begin to theorize on how best to communicate with the Zerg. The following are practical examples for specific situations in which you may find yourself.

Situation: A MAX is in need of repairs urgently or he’s Decimator fodder. Problem: The Max must acquire the attention of the Zergling engineers. Once their attention is achieved he must convey his situation in a way that will be engaging to the Zergling. Resolution: In the second experiment, a specific message was all that was required to gain the attention and understanding of the Zergling. If the MAX in this example is continually being passed by without aid he may do well to attempt a /tell to the nearest individual with a BANK. While he will likely garner attention, the message must be compelling for the Zergling to deviate from his nature. It is vital that you of course be polite. Example: “I’m in bad shape here, mate. Could you fix me up please?” Result: With the use of the word “mate” and the word “please” you will appeal to their better nature. Any familiar pronoun may be used in place of “mate”, but you may find this most effective as you will mislead the Zergling into believing you are Australian and confuse him momentarily.
Situation: You’re a CR5 trying to lead a continental assault. Problem: Due the large number of people who enjoy doing the second experiment, and genuinely believe the best way to win is to retreat, Zerglings pay very little attention to command globals and continentals unless they are from CR5s they respect. Resolution: Despite the often attempted bribery, this is typically ineffective. Globaling “The first 100 people to do this thing for me get a free hat/candy/etc…” makes you look like an idiot and will not earn you the respect you need to lead. While you may have an easy means with which to gain the attention of the Zerglings, it is detrimental to do so without their respect. Before you start sending Zerglings away from their present engagements, you should endear yourself to them. Once again being polite is essential. Example: (5 minutes before instructional command)”Good work, keep the pressure on (insert target) Zerglings and we’ll get ‘em!” Result: Praise and thanks can go a far way in earning respect. When people are doing what you requested, be sure to offer them thanks. When people are not doing what you requested; it is your own fault as a leader, so do not take it out on them.
Situation: Your Special Operations outfit has dropped and secured an enemy facility generator, but now a Zergling Outfit pretending to be SpecOps has shown up and is getting in your way. Problem: The Zerglings cannot appreciate the amount of time and dedication your outfit has put into coordination and practice. This ignorance and lack of appreciation leads them to jump in front of your men at every turn and quickly racks up over 400 grief for all of your MAXes. Resolution: There is none. I’ve been in this situation twice now with the same Zergling Outfit that decides occasionally it’s going to go SpecOps, only to walk all over our toes at a base we’re already securing. We tried different approaches to the problem and were unable to find a resolution. Example: “Can you guys watch that door, and we’ll watch the other?” Or “Can you guys watch the Tubes while we watch the CC?” Result: Frustration, high grief and lost bases. My advice is run when this happens, you’re only going to be in for a long night of politics if you stick around.

Appendix A: Zerglings and Generators
The indomitable zeal of most young Zerglings often extends beyond “Kill the Enemy” to “Kill the Enemy Facilities”. Initial studies on the subject postulate that the young Zerglings attack the color pattern of “The Enemy”, and that inanimate objects such as Vehicle Terminals look just as menacing as enemy combatants.

This theory does not explain why some young Zerglings follow their killing instinct to generators of already secured bases, which do not bare the markings of the “The Enemy”. There are a number of theories that attempt to fill the gap (i.e. They are drawn to the generator like a mosquito to a bug zapper.) but we may never know. The reason is not the focus of this Appendix, but rather the Zergling lust that surrounds the Generator. Part Learning Process, and part Coming of Age Trial; the Generator room symbolizes an important lesson for many of the most enthusiastic Zerglings.

Often one may witness the sacred rite, as one Zergling kills a young Zergling for attacking a secured Generator. He is told that it is wrong for him to attack the generator, and so the cycle of violence and learning continues as the young Zergling vows solemnly to kill any that would attack the sacred generator, and to inform those that perish in the ritualized fratricide that they are “n00bs”.

Further studies may determine greater insight into the nature of the relationship between the Zerg and the Generator. Perhaps the Generator is worshipped as a deity by the Zerglings. Rumors and speculation suggest that they make use of the Generator Room in their mating ritual (known as “cyb0r!!1!11one”) as the Generator represents a large phallic symbol in Zergling culture.

About the Author: Byteblock is a proud member of the Forgotten Soldiers on Emerald. When he is not jacking vehicles he can be found in your Gen room attempting to study the mating habits of the Zerg. He is also the author of the wildly unpopular program PSMon(Planetside Server Monitor), and the slightly more popular PS Videos Dude Where’s My AMS?” and ”A Planetside Tribute to Caddyshack

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.