Cosmic Break Manly Bots Guide

Cosmic Break Manly Bots Guide by necrio

NOTE : the whole guide is for CBEN. Any bots not found in CBEN will be excluded from the list until cyberstep puts them in.

So you’ve decided to play this game, attracted by that lovely gwyain you saw on an ad (no kidding he’s the only mech that ever appeared on an ad), and paid no attention to the floating boobs frau adone. Which means you’re all in for the GAR bots, armored core style.

Yet when you log in, you see that THE ENTIRE TEAM IS BABIES everyone is a small girl.
You ask everyone about what are the great bots and they answer it with girly moe bots.


And so you rummage upon the forums and… VOILA

You sir/lady/whathaveyou, have found…
THE BUYERS GUIDE TO BADASS, the single thread that compiles all the badass looking bots, their pros and cons, and more importantly, their accessibility.

Without further ado, lets start.

LND types :

Zero Saber
“He will be the hero, even if he’s actually zero. Because CS says so.” Zero Saber, when it comes to mascots he’s quite the midget. He’s yellow, which is quite an obnoxious color. He’s also short, as aforementioned. Looks suspiciously alike to Zero Fighter, the mascot of C21. His stats are meh at best, but some tuning can help. No one can deny that he looks quite good for a midget though. For a guy of his size, he actually exudes quite a fair bit of manliness. If you still doubt his badassery though, he would gladly do a Zero Step and hit you from behind for massive damage.

M-size :
AccelSaber GP
“Go speed racer, go speed racer, go speed racer go!”One word does this bot justice. ZOOM! Didn’t catch that? Let me say it one more time. ZOOM!
Boost run available right out of the box, one of the highest starting WLK stat in the game, AccelSaber will provide you with the speed. What you need to provide him is firepower. A glance at his stat distribution will tell you that he is more fitted for ranged combat rather than up close and personal like most other LNDs, but he’s cool with it.

“That’s some UNREAL AIR bro”Otherwise known as the badass mofo who does not care the fact that he skated off the edge of the cliff, because his dorsal fin gives him the power to defy gravity he can skate on thin air. That’s just awesome he is. When you can’t afford to stop, look no further than the shark. Because everything’s better with sharks.

Hound Dog
“Nunchakus? Tonfas are much more badass.”He looks cool alright. He has badass beam blades coming out of his arms. He’s tall and he has some nice, broad chest. His legs are long yet bulky. Basically this bot has manliness painted all over his very parts. The only thing keeping him from being the manliest L-LND is simply his performance with his middling stats, but hey he still got that awesome looks. If you really need a proof of his badassery, wait till cosmic commander gets launched. His manliness really shines there.

Lancerlot (all variants)
“…the greatest and most trusted of Arthur’s Knights.” –Wikipedia entry on Sir Lancelot
Tell me, my dear reader. How many things in this world is manlier than a knight in his shining armor, brandishing his spear and readying his shield. Not many, I’d say. And Lancerlot is, well, a reference to such a knight, which means he’s equally manly. And since we all know that adding mecha to the mix gives instant badass, we have a manly badass knight robot. His stats are not that sky high, but is pretty okay, especially with that shield of his. His lance is no slouch either, with an integrated 3 shot burst rifle, equal to that of assault rifle. I’d say Sir Lancerlot is very manly indeed. Did I mention that he’s a proper gentleman and enjoys having tea between matches?
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Mighty Byne
“The manliest of all manly bots that ever walked the manly realm of Bastagnant, where the ancient Arks reside.”Ahh… mighty byne, the one and only resident Mr. Universe of the cosmic ark. The indisputable heavyweight champion of the Cosmic Break, this thing does not only look incredibly manly and beefy, he also comes with some massive fists that sends out explosive punches. Yes, he is THAT manly. His thick armor will withstand even the heaviest stardust cannon blast… at least once, and any tiny lolibots that dare to venture within your vicinity will get their heads pounded in by your mighty pilebunker! When looking for THE manly LND, look no further than Mighty Byne, because he is truly mighty.

“The lone wolf”Wait wait wait, are we some kind of twifags or something? I mean come on… a WOLF? Next thing we know he will transform into some silly fangirl bait and… NAAAAAAAH, IN YER DREAMS FURFAG. Hatigarm is made with no less than 100% pure manliness, consisting of 0% the softness of your average wolf, because it has absolutely no fur and flesh. Doubting his manliness? Just look at his face. This guy is SERIOUS BUSINESS. He will chase you down with the guns that are attached to his back, and when you’re tired, he will finally go for the kill with a swift strike.

Hatigarm Machine
“Still Alive” – GlaDOS, Portal
So, take a Hatigarm, replace all of its remaining fleshy-looking parts with machines, and you get this guy. With Hati’s manliness taken up to OVER 9000, this machine hound will keep on chasing you without rest. Along with his impressive manliness comes a manly tail. Why is the tail manly? His tail is manly because it doubles as a SLASH BLADE. Yes, that’s right, his tail is capable of sending shockwaves to you. And that’s only his tail, mind you. Once his cold mechanical stare catches your eye, you know you’re dead.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Blaze Baron
He’s red, he’s hot, he’s the king of the grill. Hell, put a steak on his forehead and I assure you that it will be well done sooner than you can say well done. Blaze baron simply is the hottest baron around, literally and figuratively. Not only does he look badass, but he proves his manliness by enveloping himself in fire, AND GAINS MORE POWER while he’s at it. Only real manly men can manage to be burnt while not losing, and blaze baron sure is manly enough to do that. His stats are quite good and he even has a custom melee weapon in the form of blaze rod. When you need something fiery on your arsenal, Blaze Baron is the manly bot to go.

Red Squealer
FALCON PUUUUUUUUNCH! – Captain falcon, F-zero
over 20 WLK and STR at lv 0 on an L bot with massive damage AMs that needs no ammo unlike Mighty Byne, has the range of a Jikun W-tackle, and the tracking of a missile. That is the manliness that is Red Squealer. Just look at his name. Red Squealer. Makes you wonder what it means right? Well I’ll tell you. He’s so hot that his fangirls turn red, and he’s so manly that his fangirls squeal at first sight. That’s where his name came from. And the girls that don’t like him and prefer Herr Victor instead? He punches their faces in. According to certain sources, he can even SMACK AN AIR DOWN FROM THE SKY. He’s so manly that not even AIR types can deal with his punch. Hate him? Deal with it.
AVAILABILITY : Random Drop – Pray to the Random Number Gods.

“The nomadic warrior of the desert kingdom” – okay he’s not from a desert but whatever.
He’s mysterious, he’s dark, he’s tall and bulky, and most of all… he wears a cape. Scaregant is the prime example of manliness, being cool and mysterious while not being a bishonen. He’s badass as well, carrying a hidden dagger and machinegun under that cape of his. He even has bombs stored there! Not only powerful, this mercenary is also smart! He is capable of creating chemical concoctions to make his cape hard as gravitium steel! Smart and strong, definitely the perfect man.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Now that you have had your share of LND bots, we get to the guys that fly up high. Those who are perfectly manly despite of not being down with the others and getting crushed by Jet-Hammers. Yep, they are too manly for that.

Introducing, the badasses of the skies, the AIR bots.

“Ikarus flew too close to the sun. The wax that put his wings together melted and he fell to his death” – ancient greek mythology
Everybody knows that men from the mythological times are automatic badasses. Need an example? See kratos, or perhaps king leonidas. Now we have this little midget. He might not be the most badass thing that ever existed, but for his size, he’s badass enough. Good stats and weapon acompany this minuscule badass of ours in the form of his AM2. Beam shotgun and triple homing lasers in one handy package. Only a real badass would be so prepared. Say all you want, but this lil’ guy is definitely manly.

Cross Raptor (all variants)
“The silent eagle that swoops over its prey”This thing transforms. And not to a silly roflcopter like helingal. The cross raptor is a high speed S-sized AIR bot with shields not unlike mighty byne. The shield part automatically adds +10 manliness to its stats. The fact that it transforms adds even more points. And that it has 24 FLY to start with… Nice. And though he’s small, he’s got that badass look on his face. Heck, he’s THAT badass that you can’t even see his eyes. The mystery factor adds another gazilion points to his manliness.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Brickgale (BLUE and RED, combinations included)
“Tough as a brick and fast as a gale, here comes the Brickgales”
Well, that quote above doesn’t really describe their manliness, does it? Don’t be decieved by the not-so-manly name, though. The Brickgales are the epitome of badass of S-Air bots. With their badass light-wave engines, they are capable of taking off and landing in a fraction of a second. RED carries with him a badass bastard child of a beam rifle and a lance, while BLUE has a very accurate beam machine gun attached to the back of his hand. Combined, the brickgales are capable of dishing damage on every range, from melee to long-range. Enemies won’t be safe from them, ANYWHERE they are.

“Butterflies are for girls they said, they’re flimsy and so un-manly. Well, tell that to me after I blow you away with my sheer manliness” – Butterflea
Because butterflies are just manly. And the fact that he’s a man of course. Butterfleas are capable of blowing you away, literally. Don’t take those insect wings lightly. Though it’s hard to hit with the twisters, which means only real men can use these powerful weapons. If you can’t hit with those twisters, you are yet to be a real man. Besides, everyone knows that only real men can look manly while having butterfly wings sprouting from his back.

M-size :
Herr Viktor
“Poor Viktor… Jikun Hu gets all the girls while the true manly man doesn’t get anyone…”
Having solid abs is manly. Being a kickboxer is manly. Having a sexy female partner is manly. Everything about him shouts manly, besides of the fact that he exists in a universe where girls are better fighters than men, but he’s still manly. How manly is he? He has freakin’ STARDUST CANNONs as handguns! And if that’s not manly enough, I believe that the simple fact that he is in fact a FLYING KICKBOXER will be enough. Nuff said, the only humanoid man that is manly in this game. Jikun-Hu can go cry.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Mechajetter (Soljetter)
“He fights with the power of a burning star
Of course, two turbine engines on your shoulders gives you instant manliness, because turbo engines are much manlier than jet engines. Yet Mechajetter’s brother the Soljetter manages to be equally manly. Why? I don’t know. Manliness cannot be explained with science. Deal with it nerds. Anyways, to prove that he’s manly, just take a look at one of the official loading screens where he’s about to strike that centaur guy from the sky with. Simply looks badass right? And then he’s capable to envelop himself in somekind of energy barrier and knock you away with it. Only real men can do aura attacks like that, like Son Goku, or Ryu. Whatever the reason is, this bot is manly.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

Air Raider
“Target locked. Firing the sidewinders.”
Tell me, my dear readers. What in this world is more badass than a fighter jet skillfully maneuvering in the sky, dodging missiles and returning fire with its own missiles? Little is more badass. And that is only one of the reasons why Air Raider is a badass. Not only does he transform into a jet in flight, he’s also so powerful and complex that he couldn’t be mass produced, which means that he’s pretty much a limited model. And being limited instantly makes you a badass. Of course, he’s no slouch on performance either. With sky-high FLY stat and pulsemissiles as core weapon, as well as having arms that can actually hold something, unlike helingal, he’s capable of various aspects of air combat. From chasing to intercepting to assault, he’s got them all.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

L-size :
Baltheon (all variants)
“The impenetrable fortress of the skies.”
The one bot that we all love and like, the flying fortresses that protects over the fragile little zerglings girls. The baltheon is at least as tough as its LND counterpart, Mighty Byne. And he’s no less beefy either. See that bulk? Yep, definitely a sign of manliness right there. And what’s more, only real men can protect other fighters, and Baltheon does just that. Fear not, loli bots and lame ugly bots, Baltheon is here to protect you. He lacks firepower you say? STARDUST CANNONS, FIRE!
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

“His power comes and wades with the sun…” – description of Gawain, one of Arthur’s knights.
The LND might have Sir Lancerlot, but the AIR has something no less badass. Behold, the knight of the skies, the soaring eagle, Gwyain! He heads for the enemy camp at dawn and finishes before noon. That’s just plain manly right? And then add in the fact that he has stardust cannons built into his chest. A chest that fires beam cannons? Definitely the manliest chest around. Still doubting his manliness? Take a look at the ads. He’s the only real manly mech to make it to the ads. Can’t argue with that can you? His stats are no slouch either, with no stat below 10 and his FLY and TGH just over the 20s, this thing is a tough speeder!
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

“Some call me the 1337 h4xx0rz. I call myself Shaden” – Shaden the 1337 h4xx0rz
GEEZ, HE NEVER COMES DOWN is what most players think when thinking about shaden. Or at least his BS. Shaden himself, while manly and badass by all standards except for his lacluster stats for an L-air when there’s the better Gwyain as an alternative, is often searched for his BS and his BS only. Strip him of his BS, everyone says, and put that fucking huge thing on Gwyain. No… Shaden deserves something else than being junked. Because Shaden is manly. So manly that once he flies, he won’t be back down to the ground for quite a long time. And he has a booster under his gigantic booster. And he has got BOOST RUN. An AIR with BOOST RUN? Preposterous! Not really, by utilizing boost run, Shaden can actually play like a LND! So lo and behold, the one and only pseudo LND this game has to offer. SHADEN!
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Artilleries. Never did once people think that these guys who shoot form afar are manly… until now. TODAY, I shall compile you… the list of the most badass artillery bots in existence in cosmic break. And I shall not hold back. LET THE MANLINESS FLOW!

“He fights to protect other warriors, so they may not suffer his fate”
What… you’ve got to be kidding me. Cannonballer? The cannon on caterpillar tracks? Please, read his info. He was once a great warrior. And even in death he still fights to protect others. Can you be manlier than him, he who fights even in his death? Even when his body shrinks into a tiny, meaningless, yellow pile of crap? Face it. None of you can be as manly as him. Not even the manly Mighty Byne is as manly as him. So now, let us celebrate, the manly bot that is Cannonballer. May his soul find peace one day…

Psycho Formula (all variants)
“I spy with my little extrasensory-preception, a tiny little prey for my hungry psyguns”
He’s a psycho, and he can mindrape. And in some cases, can break the legendary 9000 power level limit. While not that good at the actual game, you cannot deny that this short guy is quite the badass. No eyes, yet he targets with high precision. And the blind guy is equipped with psyguns, which are one of the most powerful tracking weapons in the game. And he has loads of them. Still not convinced? He can stretch his arms using only wires to attach them to his body! How can he do that without PSYCHIC POWERS. He’s a robot with psychic powers, which means he’s manly, because he has psychic powers. Confused? That’s the power of Psycho forumla’s mindfuck.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

“Hover silently, and carry a big gun”
An ART with high WLK? PREPOSTEROUS! But those words simply describe Hoverion, the fastest runner amongst ARTs. And still, he can carry the large stuffs like the other ARTs. Heck, he even has an internal bazooka! That automatically makes him a (albeit weaker) faster Destructor CN! The one thing that makes him badass though, is that he is still able to hover while carrying lots and lots of dakka. Your Destructor and Sturbangers may get weighted down by their explosives, but Hoverion, like the badass that he is, keeps zooming around.

Gathima Nieuport
“Multipurpose High Power Long Range Unit”
This bot has it all. Howitzer? Check. Missiles? Check. Rifles? Comes in dual barrels, check. Too bad for the other gathima that he isn’t as badass as his brother, but at least one of the pair makes it to this list. Gathima Nieuport is a very flexible long range unit, with rifles to snipe and missiles to kill AIRs. His howitzer for long ranged damage to the enemy base without risking yourself. Only a badass would be that crazy prepared for all situations, and Gathima Nieuport sure does fulfill that category. When you need something flexible, get a Nieuport.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

“The sun god.”
Also dubbed the most broken artillery ever by those who cannot stand in the face of his sheer manliness. Amateus is a very manly bot. Even just by looking at him you can see that he is a badass. If you still don’t believe me, he can generate energy by doing nuclear fusion, something that happens in the core of stars that generates their light and heat, and this guy is capable of such feat. For your info, a nuclear fusion requires very high temperatures and pressure, so high that until now no human technology has managed to imitate this awesome feat that powers our sun and other stars. And yet Amateus does it to power his not less impressive than himself weapons. First is his Nova Missiles which literally fires miniature stars towards your opponents. Ouch. And then he can incite nuclear fusion on the spot of his target, from a distance. And yes I just used italics for emphasize there, something that I have not done before in this guide, which proves that he is THAT manly to deserve it from me.

Hoverion Magna
“The bringer of the holy winds…”
Hoverion is badass. His big brother is also as badass, if not more badass. He comes with two tornado generators! Can you really get more badass than that? While not as fast as his little brother, Hoverion Magna has insane DPS potential, especially against powerspots, thanks to his dual tornado generator. Burst fire with that thing and watch a PS go down in seconds!
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Sturbanger (all variants)
“STURBANGER!!!… because it is fun to yell his name out loud”
Of course ladies and gentlemen, the resident badass for ARTs. Who in his/her/whathaveyou’s right mind can deny that Sturbanger is in fact a very badass bot. He carries 6 missile launchers on his back, and 3 more on each arm, giving a grand total of 12 missiles per shot! When CS stated in the BD description that his missiles will blot out the sun, they weren’t joking. The standard variant doesn’t fall short of the manliness scale either. Although he only has 2 launchers on his back, manliness and badassery still flows out of him. And he can equip more weapons than the prototype as well! When you need more dakka, definitely get the Sturbanger series. They won’t disappoint you.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

Sagittary Maxis (all variants)
“The light speed marksman is watching you…”
Only manly man can carry a big ass railgun on his shoulders. And that is precisely what a Sagittary Maxis does. Almost nothing in this world can outspeed his bullet. And by almost I mean none. The ultimate sniper fires with such speed and precision that he can hit a flying Beezle A without a fuss! A tiny ass bee! Truly, only the most badass of the badass snipers can do that without tracking missiles. If you still don’t believe that he is manly, I’ll tell you one thing. Desu uses this bot, which means that all of your arguments are now invalid. Good day.

“The Pandora’s box. Once opened, all the evil and despair sealed within will spew out, and only hope remains”
He’s big, he’s buff, and he’s a box. A box that fires cruise missiles. A box that fires cruise missiles that is slow, yet explodes with great force. Okay I’ll stop. His cruise missiles are not that good, but DAAAAMN, ain’t he manly. Even his large hands has lots of missiles. Just imagine this thing firing along the Sturbangers. The rain of missiles will be unstoppable!

The supports.

For long have the supports been overlooked by the players of manly bots because of their images as NURSES. And nurses are not manly.
But no. For these supports are COMBAT MEDICS, and they are here not only to help the wounded, but also fight alongside their comrades.

And thus, here’s a neat list of the manliest combat medics around.

Jack Gadget (All Variants)
“Jack of all trades, master of all”
The Jack Gadget series, always full of surprises. These small bots are filled to the brim with weapons, from head to back. From cutters to hammers, from beam smashers to missiles, these guys got em covered. When you really need to be unpredictable, Jack Gadgets are your badasses.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

Nicole Malice
“RISE FROM THE FORUM DEPTHS, O’ DEAD THREADS” – Nicole Malice doing her job at internet forums.
Okay she’s a girl. But she ‘s got six-pack abs and is manlier than Jikun Hu so I thought I’ll just mention her here. Her wonder bit is manly though, summoning ‘Mr Jazz Hands’ to kick ass.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / UC Garatrololol

Bugsycait (all variants)
“Kick kick kick kick uh oh” – the normal reaction of a lagkun when facing a bugsy
Bugsycait, bugsycait. Friendly neighborhood bugsycait. When talking of badass supports, Bugsycaits come to mind. Not only do they have a manly, muscular build, they also have shocking strength. And by shocking, I mean literally shocking. Jikuns coming to rape your team’s fat destructors? No worries, Bugsy to the rescue. Entering the battle solo, a single bugsy can stop a whole horde of melee spammer, alone. One hit from his shield and suddenly, no more kicks! It appears that his shield is so badass that he could induce amnesia with a single hit! The BOOM variant doesn’t fall short on the badass scale either. In fact, I believe that the BOOM version is much more badass than the default! Why, you ask? First of all, he has BOOM in his name. That means he’s badass. Second, he don’t use shields, he uses a TONFA. And all of us have learnt just how badass tonfas can be from hound dogs. Truly, the bugsycaits are the manliest of supports. Watch out, here comes the Bugsycait.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

“Radio interference detected”
The best jammer around, because his task is to literally jam the enemies tracking system, making those sturbangers a pile of scrap metal waiting to be disassembled by your team. When a good Pulsardio is around, AIRs have no fear.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

Sigma Clock
TIME BENDING CAPABILITIES, the prime badass material, and sigma clock has just that. With his awesome time manipulating powers he can slow down enemies to a halt that even snailbots can pelt them with loads and loads of missiles. When you’re running out of time, Sigma Clock can give you some.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

“Herianzus used Solarbeam! It’s Super Effective!” – Cosmicmon
He’s a flower. And real men love flowers. Only real men can appreciate the beauty of nature contained within this real manly bot. Why is he manly? Well, only real men use real eco friendly power source, and unlike other bots who are gas-guzzlers like AccelSaber, this manly man here runs on the power of the sun itself! Yes, may Amateus always shine on him. And not only does he move with the power of the sun, he’s so efficient that he can use the extra power to power his attacks! That’s right, he can gather sunlight to fire a beam to roast your enemies with! Only real men can do that. Thus, we have reached a conclusion on why Herianzus is a manly man. Because he’s a flower that runs on sunlight and is capable of firing a solar beam. Yep, he’s manly.
AVAILABILITY : Garatrololol

“Out of all FF spells, I like the GRAVITY line the most” – Grienaut on Final Fantasy
An ancient space ship capable of reaching the ends of the universe via gravity drives, mechanized. Definitely, this is one of those anicent badasses. A manly robot created out of an ancient weapon is never not a badass, and Grienaut is no exception. With his curveguns he can nail targets from their sides, and his gravity generators can easily trap enemies for his allies to feast upon. Truly a powerful robot.
AVAILABILITY : Shop – Rt / Garatrololol

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2 Responses

  1. Krugz says:

    Very good. This guide is very informative as well as the humors you put in. Great work bro.

    And Scaregant Burai is manly indeed.

  2. ñ, bxjwdsfk njgsadff says:

    hahahah its not funnny this isnt a guide and im a hater die

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